Sunday, April 13, 2008
So, I've been thinking periodically about my life and the choices that I've made in it (I've also been thinking about how I start everything out with the word "So" which is rather annoying, but I just can't help it. Even now I know I should change the sentence, but can't bring myself to do it...sigh). I find it rather humorous that all growing up I had this image of what I was going to be like when I was older. I was always married with heaps of children, my house was immaculate (yes, I know that surprises all of you, but remember this is an image in my head...not reality), I was involved heavily in PTA or some other worthy cause (is PTA worthy? I have no idea, but when I formed this thought PTA got in there somehow), when my kids got home from school I had fresh baked cookies for them, they were always clothed. My children were not going to run around naked. They were well brought up in the gospel and I was basically just super-mom. Dinners, lunches, and breakfasts were always done. Laundry,while always a work in progress, was taken care of. Bills were paid on time, and my husband was exceptionally happy that he could leave all of this to me. Oh, and I always looked great and put together, which is hilarious to me because when has that ever been the case? I love my PJ's. Anyway, I find this all very funny that I just excepted all of this to happen. I hate cooking, grocery shopping, finding my kids sock so they can wear their shoes so we can go outside (Why can I never find them? How hard is it to locate two pairs of socks?). My house is always a disaster, even after we clean it it doesn't look clean. The laundry is piled up on my washer and dryer separted into three baskets. Two of which are clean clothes that need to be folded and put away (which never happens) and one is dirty, with more dirty clothes not in a basket but on top of the machines and on the floor...not to mention all over the rest of the house. I very seldom get ready for the day unless I know I have to go somewhere, which because I hate finding socks doesn't happen often. My scrubs are the outfit I wear the most and my hair is always pulled back in a ponytail just to get it out of the way. I don't make cookies because then I would have to clean the dishes used and my sink can't handle anymore dishes because it and the surrounding counters and dishwasher are already full. So, how did this happen? What happened to being super-mom (Although most of these things, while necessary, are not the responsibility of a "mom"...she normally and stereotypically does all of this, but "mom" to me suggests caring for children)? Is there some reason that other people have it all together and I don't? Is there a reason that I had this image in my head? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, whining, pouting, or any thing else (although I am quite good at those). I'm just contemplating why I always thought my life would magically change once I got married. I guess that was my own version of a fairy-tale. Well, instead of my idea of a fairy-tale God has blessed me with two beautiful children, who even though they are seldom put together, they are happy, and healthy, and curious, and a million other wonderful things. God blessed me with a wonderful husband. Dan may not understand my lack of cooking/cleaning skills, and he may wish that it was different, but he does understand that if he wants it done, he needs to do it, and he also understands that I need encouragement in those areas, and sometimes gentle shoves in the right direction. God has blessed me with great friends that make it so nothing seems so terrible. We love it here and are blessed in our associates. God has blessed me with a great family...both mine and my in-laws. I love them all and they are very supportive and helpful, and fun. God has blessed me with a testimony of the truthfulness of His church, and my role in his plan. So I guess when you get right down to it, my life may not be what I thought it would be, but I'm thrilled with what it's turned out to be.