Sunday, April 13, 2008

Life Contemplations

So, I've been thinking periodically about my life and the choices that I've made in it (I've also been thinking about how I start everything out with the word "So" which is rather annoying, but I just can't help it. Even now I know I should change the sentence, but can't bring myself to do it...sigh). I find it rather humorous that all growing up I had this image of what I was going to be like when I was older. I was always married with heaps of children, my house was immaculate (yes, I know that surprises all of you, but remember this is an image in my head...not reality), I was involved heavily in PTA or some other worthy cause (is PTA worthy? I have no idea, but when I formed this thought PTA got in there somehow), when my kids got home from school I had fresh baked cookies for them, they were always clothed. My children were not going to run around naked. They were well brought up in the gospel and I was basically just super-mom. Dinners, lunches, and breakfasts were always done. Laundry,while always a work in progress, was taken care of. Bills were paid on time, and my husband was exceptionally happy that he could leave all of this to me. Oh, and I always looked great and put together, which is hilarious to me because when has that ever been the case? I love my PJ's. Anyway, I find this all very funny that I just excepted all of this to happen. I hate cooking, grocery shopping, finding my kids sock so they can wear their shoes so we can go outside (Why can I never find them? How hard is it to locate two pairs of socks?). My house is always a disaster, even after we clean it it doesn't look clean. The laundry is piled up on my washer and dryer separted into three baskets. Two of which are clean clothes that need to be folded and put away (which never happens) and one is dirty, with more dirty clothes not in a basket but on top of the machines and on the floor...not to mention all over the rest of the house. I very seldom get ready for the day unless I know I have to go somewhere, which because I hate finding socks doesn't happen often. My scrubs are the outfit I wear the most and my hair is always pulled back in a ponytail just to get it out of the way. I don't make cookies because then I would have to clean the dishes used and my sink can't handle anymore dishes because it and the surrounding counters and dishwasher are already full. So, how did this happen? What happened to being super-mom (Although most of these things, while necessary, are not the responsibility of a "mom"...she normally and stereotypically does all of this, but "mom" to me suggests caring for children)? Is there some reason that other people have it all together and I don't? Is there a reason that I had this image in my head? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, whining, pouting, or any thing else (although I am quite good at those). I'm just contemplating why I always thought my life would magically change once I got married. I guess that was my own version of a fairy-tale. Well, instead of my idea of a fairy-tale God has blessed me with two beautiful children, who even though they are seldom put together, they are happy, and healthy, and curious, and a million other wonderful things. God blessed me with a wonderful husband. Dan may not understand my lack of cooking/cleaning skills, and he may wish that it was different, but he does understand that if he wants it done, he needs to do it, and he also understands that I need encouragement in those areas, and sometimes gentle shoves in the right direction. God has blessed me with great friends that make it so nothing seems so terrible. We love it here and are blessed in our associates. God has blessed me with a great family...both mine and my in-laws. I love them all and they are very supportive and helpful, and fun. God has blessed me with a testimony of the truthfulness of His church, and my role in his plan. So I guess when you get right down to it, my life may not be what I thought it would be, but I'm thrilled with what it's turned out to be.

9 comments:

The Huston Herd said...

I am SO glad to hear that your house is like mine!!! I thought that I was the black sheep amoung all you that I call friend! I am frequently compairing myself to another good friend (you know who I'm talking about) that has dinner on the table by 5pm, house always clean (despite having the same amount of children I do), finds time to exercise, play with her children, and so on. But I have to stop and realize, that I am me, and that's okay. It's okay that my house is typically only clean if someone is coming over, that we too spend our days in pj's if we aren't going anywhere, and that I could never have short hair because I'd go into withdrawls if I could't put my hair in a poney! So it's okay. We are NORMAL, and those others are ABNORMAL!

Rorie said...

Tarah, your last sentence sums it up perfectly. Life is not about keeping the cleanest house, it's about doing the best with raising our kids. And ourselves. :)
And I had to laugh at your opening sentences. I frequently find myself starting all my sentences with "so" too. :)

michelle said...

Some days it is more important to read that story with a child on your lap than to wash the clothes. I try to do chores in the morning and then we play in the afternoon. Obviously this can depend on the day, but usually works pretty well.

The Jones Family said...

Hey Tarah! This is Jewelle (Rail) Jones. I found your blog from Amber's and enjoy reading it. Just wanted to let you know, that you are not the only one who had this dream and somehow it isn't working out. I found out the same thing when I started staying home with my daughter. I've tried to get better and be like those "supermoms", but like you I have come to realize that my children are my life. If they are happy I should be happy (Even if the dishes are piling up too high!) Feel free to check out our blog and comment. We love comments!
http://jewelleandrussell.blogspot.com/

~Jewelle (Rail) Jones

Liz Barnes said...

Tarah,

You make me laugh. I always knew I'd need help with the house, cooking, and dishes... so I'm living that reality. (Thank goodness I also have a husband that is willing to help me.) I blame a lot of mine on the fact that I am still working so I don't have time to keep the house clean along with everything else.

It makes me glad to know that I am not the only person in the world that seems to think I can't keep up with everything. Most days, I'm happy if I can think of one thing that I've accomplished.

If it makes you feel any better, I think that in the pictures I've seen of you lately, you do look great, your kids are adorable, and it sounds like you are accomplishing lots and lots. (By the way, I'm still waiting for a picture of your new hair cut.)

I'm glad we get to keep in touch at least through blogs.

Let me know when you are coming down to Utah again. I'm thinking of planning another get together this summer.

Liz

Gayle said...

Wow Tarah, I really admire you for being able to describe my house without even seeing me for months and months!
I did finally learn to keep ONE room clean (the one closest to the door) so at least I wouldn't be embarrassed when I had a visitor. (But that only works if you have more than about three rooms when you have kids.)
Love you--keep up the good mothering.

Loni said...

So, life is a daily challenge. Oh, by the way you must have inherited that SO thing from your mother. Many of her sentences also begin that way.

Love you testimony at the end of the blog. It is inspiring.

Super mom means different things to different people. Right now I'm thinking you are a super mom because you love your children and do things with them.

Andrea said...

Whenever I thought about my house and kids, I never pictured it to be like it is. I think I just didn't understand how hard it is to be a mom and housekeeper. But, I wouldn't trade things either.

NicKim Family said...

Tarah, You are so good at putting your thoughts into words and sharing them! Seriously, it's fun to read your posts! You're just adorable!